Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
vagina is talking i cant
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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