I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
my liver is dry heaving
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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