do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
