That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
No more Irish car bombs ever.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
