yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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