At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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