Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
