It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
