He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize