you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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