Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
