youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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