worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
