i just wanna soil my oats bro
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize