i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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