I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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