He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
