She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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