the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
