so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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