Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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