Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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