on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
