u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
