Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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