So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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