Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
