just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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