I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
