Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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