As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
