Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
