She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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