I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
