imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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