He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
