Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
