Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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