the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
