My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize