the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
