i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
