Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
