im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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