We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
being pregnant is like rehab
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
