I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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