My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize