Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
