never play flip cup with pint glasses
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
