Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
