Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I came so hard my ears popped.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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