I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
