forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
