I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
