The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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