headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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