I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
