I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
