it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
