An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Randomize
