Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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