i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
