the new term for farting is butt boxing.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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