You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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