So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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