proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
