I want to have your abortion
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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