Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize