your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize