And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
