He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
