she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
