I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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